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Posts Tagged ‘terror’

Dramatic Shift!

For the last several years, I have been dealing with core C-PTSD issues that revolved around my grandmother. She was a nurse who worked for a super scary doctor. She used his scary presence to threaten me with terrible harm if I disobeyed her. I learned – doctors are to be feared!

I’ve had what I have heard called “white coat syndrome” for a long time. Just being in a doctor’s office causes me to become hypervigilant and terrified.

I have an excellent doctor I go to for my annual physical. I trust this doctor implicitly. A couple of years ago when I went to see him in the middle of the PTSD, I would be in sheer terror all out of proportion to the current situation. The typical readings they take, which had been normal for years, were suddenly extremely elevated. It was uncanny.

Over the last year, I have been resolving the impact of those issues with my grandmother. One of the biggest signals – I stopped using sugar. That had been my way to deal with the fear during the abuse, and for many years afterward.

Today, I went for my annual physical. It was a dramatically different situation.

The whole thing was a non-event, and caused me no distress. I went into the doctor’s office, and my readings were perfectly normal again.

As we did the physical, the doctor said “well you certainly are younger than your age!”

I know – I feel it!

When I left, he said “Congratulations, you won the Healthiest Patient of The Day” award. We both smiled.

I get deeper perspective about how much the healing process has worked through events like this.

It was an incredibly empowering moment!

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I had a remarkable radio interview tonight with Kate Loving Shenk.  We explored my healing journey, and my upcoming book Healing The Writer.  Listen at the end, when Kate gives me a direction that had been sitting there in front of me, but I hadn’t seen it yet.  Helping other people with creative blocks, based on my experience. The picture is me at age 19 – and I’m reclaiming that creative soul!

Here’s a link to the radio show:

My Healing Journey

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“Insomnia: A Writer’s Night Journey.” Accessing old memories leads a writer into nights of insomnia and fear, and brings him closer to publication.

Published in Life As A Human.

Photo Credit:

“Eminem at 3 a.m.”

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“The Fearful Writer – Monsters in the Closet.”  As he purges intense fear, a writer comes closer to facing some deep abuse issues, and he prepares to face the “monsters in the closet.”

Published in Life As A Human.

Photo Credit:

“Scary_04″ Aliwest44 @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.

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“The Fear And The Light.” A writer struggles to uncover and release deep childhood fears that are hampering his ability to write and publish.

Published in Life As A Human.

Photo Credit:

“Deprivation” Jeremy @ Flickr.com Creative Commons.  Some Rights Reserved.

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“What Is It About That Particular Park?” An author feels compelled to visit a park he hasn’t been to in 45 years. He senses something critical to his past is hidden there.

Published in Life As A Human.

Photo credit:

“Park at Night” go ask alice… @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.

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“They’ll Call You Crazy – And Lock You Up!” An author, frustrated by a seemingly unbreakable writer’s block, tries an unconventional writing exercise. He discovers an unexpected origin to the block.

Published in Life As A Human.

Photo credit:

“Big Chain” Shaycam @flickr.com. Creative Commons.  Some rights reserved.

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