For the last several years, I have been dealing with core C-PTSD issues that revolved around my grandmother. She was a nurse who worked for a super scary doctor. She used his scary presence to threaten me with terrible harm if I disobeyed her. I learned – doctors are to be feared!
I’ve had what I have heard called “white coat syndrome” for a long time. Just being in a doctor’s office causes me to become hypervigilant and terrified.
I have an excellent doctor I go to for my annual physical. I trust this doctor implicitly. A couple of years ago when I went to see him in the middle of the PTSD, I would be in sheer terror all out of proportion to the current situation. The typical readings they take, which had been normal for years, were suddenly extremely elevated. It was uncanny.
Over the last year, I have been resolving the impact of those issues with my grandmother. One of the biggest signals – I stopped using sugar. That had been my way to deal with the fear during the abuse, and for many years afterward.
Today, I went for my annual physical. It was a dramatically different situation.
The whole thing was a non-event, and caused me no distress. I went into the doctor’s office, and my readings were perfectly normal again.
As we did the physical, the doctor said “well you certainly are younger than your age!”
I know – I feel it!
When I left, he said “Congratulations, you won the Healthiest Patient of The Day” award. We both smiled.
I get deeper perspective about how much the healing process has worked through events like this.
It was an incredibly empowering moment!
Thoughts Along The Road to Healing 