I’m working right now on my next book. It’s about a series of incidents which happened with my grandmother when I was 8 years old. She asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said “I want to be a famous writer!” I said it with clarity and conviction, because I had just always known I wanted to be a writer.
Grandma said, “Oh no, you don’t want to do that.” When I asked her why, she said “If you’re a famous writer, they’ll call you crazy and lock you up.” It was such a shocking statement, and the way she reinforced the message so hideous, I pushed away the memory for over 40 years. I continued to write, in spite of that old, hidden message, and had two books almost published but walked away and didn’t release them! I felt like I had writer’s block – not knowing how specific it was. It led me to write this poem:
The desire to express,
I was taught to repress,
Has caused me a block,
I wish to unlock.
I pick up the pen,
Start writing again,
I feel the flow,
And then I stop.
(By the way, I intend to now publish both of those earlier books)
Also – I have changed the name of this book to Healing The Writer, which I think better reflects the healing journey of the memoir.
Thoughts Along The Road to Healing 
Wow Dan! What a comment to live with, even if it was buried in the back of your mind! And to still write! That is fantastic! I know you will continue to produce great work, and be successful! I loved the poem!If you get a chance, you should listen to Greg Tamblyn's song titled "Writer's Block." It will make you laugh and you'll discover some truth in it as well. Can't wait to read your books… ALL of them!
It is amazing how seemingly well-intentioned comments can affect our lives. I want to read your books Dan!
I totally relate Dan – when I told my mother I wanted to be an actress she warned me about “the casting couch.” I was old enough to know what she meant even if she didn’t elaborate. I never trusted any of the men in power that I worked with in theater after that. Found other avenues for expression, but you always wonder, you know?
To this day, I wonder how she knew about the casting couch…movies? That’s all I can imagine…
Kathy, thank you so much for your comments! Isn’t it amazing how much power words can have when we hear them early in life? I can sure see how she planted a huge fear seed in your heart. Why do they do that? Was she a frustrated actress herself? Sometimes you wonder! Where did my Grandma come up with what she said, and I’ve spent a bit of time wondering why she asked that question almost as I walked into her house. Suspicious – like maybe my Dad (a frustrated writer) may have planted the thought for her to act out on! Anyway, the blessing is that publishing my first book brought all of this to the surface and to a head, and YEA – I’m getting used to living now without that weight on my back! Yes, how did she know about casting couches, and how did my grandma know about the ultimate end of becoming a writer? Sheesh! Just glad we can put that nonsense behind us.
Thanks for sharing your response to my post so wonderfully! It helps me see it better!
Dan
Dan, I am so glad that you finally learned not to listen to those voices from the past. First your grandmother and then your dad. How sad. You have to wonder what negative messages they were given as children that made them so negative as adults.
Yes, purging the messages of those negative voices has been a central tenet of my recovery! I am blessed to have done so much to release that negative energy! I know my Grandma gave those same messages to my Dad, which they then both passed along to me! Very sad!