I had just been
On an amazing adventure
I worked on
The wheat harvest
To follow my Dad’s path,
To walk in his shoes,
To find out
What had led him
To change his whole life
And reclaim
His soberness
His family
His job
His life.
*
Combine cutting wheat
I had returned to Houston
After spending the summer
From Oklahoma
To North Dakota
Following the wheat
Living a nomadic life
Exploring new worlds.
Combine moving to next field
*
I had been writing letters
To a number of friends
To stay grounded.
I had called
Whenever we stopped
At a place where
There was a phone.
One of my biggest
Supports was Donna.
We’d been friends
For many years
And she had been there
Whenever
I needed her.
*
So when I got home,
We planned to spend time.
She wanted to hear
All about my experience
What it was like driving
A big truck,
Pulling a wheat combine
Combine on a trailer behind grain truck
On a trailer.
I had described it
In letters,
But it wasn’t the same
As being able to
Spend an evening
And tell someone
All about it.
*
I called her.
She said
And I remember
This vividly:
“Say, I’d love
To get together.
I’m house sitting
For some friends,
I have to watch their dogs
I have to do a couple of
Loads of laundry.
I’ll cook you dinner,
And get a couple of movies
And we can watch those
While we visit.”
*
The whole thing
Just felt wrong.
Too many moving parts,
And no place to
Really talk.
I had presence enough
To say
“Donna, that feels
awfully busy.
Why don’t we do it
Another night
When there’s more time
To just sit and visit.”
*
She acted sort of surprised,
And a bit put out.
Like she had been
Doing me a favor
To offer me the time slot.
We never rescheduled.
She never found out
What my journey
Had been like.
*
The only thing
I can figure out
Is that she didn’t
Really want to know.
Ouch!
Why?
I couldn’t guess.
*
We were never the same
After that.
**************************
Photo credits:
Photos by Dan L. Hays Copyright, all rights reserved.
“Good Question” e-magic @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
Many people are afraid of change. When we change, all our relationships change as well. Some move forward with us. Others fall along the wayside. That is the sad thing about change.
When I started my blog and all of the growth that came from writing openly about incest for the first time, my relationship with one of my two best friends almost didn’t survive the changes that took place inside of me. She didn’t want to move out of her comfort zone to take the necessary steps to keep up with my growth. She resisted. She got angry. We almost didn’t survive as friends because I refused to continue to stand still beside her. Our friendship became strained for awhile but eventually she decided that it was okay to move forward. She doesn’t move at the pace that I do and that it okay. She moves enough that our friendship has started to grow again rather than remaining stagnant.
Some friendships just don’t survive. Those friendships we have to grieve the loss of and then move on in our own growth. We have to accept that some friendships aren’t as permanent or as strong as we thought they were. Yes, gieving does hurt and it is necessary part of our growth.
Absolutely, Patricia – that’s been my experience too! Relationships change, and some fall off by the wayside! Very well expressed!
Interesting how your two best friends went away when you started your growth process. I heard years ago that “when we change, people don’t like it and some get angry, because they can’t relate to us like they used to” – which is exactly what sounds like happened with your friend! Wonderful that she has decided to move forward and your friendship has resumed! I’ve had a lot that didn’t do that, and I think it’s marvelous that you’ve had that experience!
Yup, got to grieve it and move on. Actually, I set out to write poems about my Dad and the wheat harvest experience. This poem just fell out and signalled to me that I was still bothered by the disconnect which occurred. I tried to reconnect with Donna a couple of years ago, and she wanted nothing to do with it. Wouldn’t even bother with a response. Sad but true!
Dan
This one feels like a lovely one-act play…thanks for sharing!
deWriterMD – What a wonderful observation! Thank you so much for your feedback – you’ve given me some real food for thought. This was just a piece that I needed to get “out of my system” but it’s interesting to hear how it sounds to someone else!